Examples from my ‘New Beasts’ tumblr site. Taking two animals to make new, better ones! Click on an image to submit a suggestion of your own…<\/p>\n
![TortarooTortaroo possesses all the speed of a tortoise, with all the gallantry of a kangaroo. What she lacks in speed, she makes up for in presence, those around her wilting at her mind bending intelligence and ability to transmit motivational quotes straight into their brain with just one withering look. Tortaroo is Sunday morning in Tuesday\u2019s body. Tortaroos lifespan is around 600 years. Tortaroo\u2019s young live in her pouch until they are 1 week old, at which point they speed grow to the size of a large man in real time. Make Tortaroo YOUR new year\u2019s resolution\u2026](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/a8bd4446ddd805f6dee0b809804316d7\/tumblr_p2md95QAte1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "TortarooTortaroo possesses all the speed of a tortoise, with all the gallantry of a kangaroo. What she lacks in speed, she makes up for in presence, those around her wilting at her mind bending intelligence and ability to transmit motivational quotes straight into their brain with just one withering look. Tortaroo is Sunday morning in Tuesday\u2019s body. Tortaroos lifespan is around 600 years. Tortaroo\u2019s young live in her pouch until they are 1 week old, at which point they speed grow to the size of a large man in real time. Make Tortaroo YOUR new year\u2019s resolution\u2026")
<\/a>![PantharkPanthark lives in the milky recesses of your daymares. The ones you have with your eyes wide open. Those people on the tube? Glassy eyed, staring into the airy abyss? They are not dreaming. They are channelling Panthark\u2019s muted, heaving, presence, weighted by a thousand shipwrecks and haunted by a hundred sunken subs. Hunter by night and hunted by day, Panthark is prey only to direct sunlight and the happy laughter of primary coloured fish. Each of his teeth represents a vivid nightmare you\u2019ve had.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/9b44d418b31844093b256010ae3fc163\/tumblr_neupp4jrLf1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "PantharkPanthark lives in the milky recesses of your daymares. The ones you have with your eyes wide open. Those people on the tube? Glassy eyed, staring into the airy abyss? They are not dreaming. They are channelling Panthark\u2019s muted, heaving, presence, weighted by a thousand shipwrecks and haunted by a hundred sunken subs. Hunter by night and hunted by day, Panthark is prey only to direct sunlight and the happy laughter of primary coloured fish. Each of his teeth represents a vivid nightmare you\u2019ve had.")
<\/a>![ChinchillasaurusThis tyrannical reprobate rodent is colossal in size, destructive in nature, yet obscenely cute. Only seen at moon down, Chinchillasaurus\u2019 staple diet consists of anyone. Much like a sociopath you cannot reason with her, yet you will be mesmerised by her twilight charm and sad eyes. She uses her tail to smack humans clean in the heart, causing a surge of reverse-empathy and then sudden death, upon which she will consume them in under .5 of a second. An expert leacher of DNA, she will become a small part of every single person she eats, making her personality complex, impenetrable and contradictory: she likes to go out and stay in and also curl up on the sofa with a DVD but also go to the pub and she likes puppies and crafts and also football and period drama. Unusually powerful, Chinchillasaurus can also suck entire galaxies and constellations in through her nose and burst them out of her butt in reverse order - purely for sport. Downy, yet scaly, and consistently cross, she will likely be in a feud with at least ten other \u2018Saurus\u2019 at any one given time. Do not pet her. After mating she will crush her partner entirely with her Bolivian claw feet. She is scentless and can time travel.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/52a98bd2544880369310a94654690cf7\/tumblr_n5grd3ZjSW1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "ChinchillasaurusThis tyrannical reprobate rodent is colossal in size, destructive in nature, yet obscenely cute. Only seen at moon down, Chinchillasaurus\u2019 staple diet consists of anyone. Much like a sociopath you cannot reason with her, yet you will be mesmerised by her twilight charm and sad eyes. She uses her tail to smack humans clean in the heart, causing a surge of reverse-empathy and then sudden death, upon which she will consume them in under .5 of a second. An expert leacher of DNA, she will become a small part of every single person she eats, making her personality complex, impenetrable and contradictory: she likes to go out and stay in and also curl up on the sofa with a DVD but also go to the pub and she likes puppies and crafts and also football and period drama. Unusually powerful, Chinchillasaurus can also suck entire galaxies and constellations in through her nose and burst them out of her butt in reverse order - purely for sport. Downy, yet scaly, and consistently cross, she will likely be in a feud with at least ten other \u2018Saurus\u2019 at any one given time. Do not pet her. After mating she will crush her partner entirely with her Bolivian claw feet. She is scentless and can time travel.")
<\/a>![RathorseStately, yet a scavenger, Rathorse is a bargain hunter, so long as the bargain\u2019s free. Smelling strongly of attitude and chance, this particular species is fat from theft and carries cheap sicknesses around in his coat, most commonly: Mucky Throat-Spore, The Purple Turd Sweats and Piping Hot Skin Crunch \u2013 illnesses not seen since the French Revolution. The newest and most deadly however, is the Deathly Death-Pox, which has a 200% death rate. Remarkably, Rathorse, despite being at least 15 hands high, can fit through a gap the size of a pea. But sadly his hoofs are too small to bear his weight, so he can never utilize this skill. As a result of his immobility though, he can successfully coax 100% of his non-sentient daily diet directly into his mouth, earning him the ironic nickname, The Cheese Whisperer.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/d62c4468026aac2027e7f2332e897964\/tumblr_n567wgE0ht1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "RathorseStately, yet a scavenger, Rathorse is a bargain hunter, so long as the bargain\u2019s free. Smelling strongly of attitude and chance, this particular species is fat from theft and carries cheap sicknesses around in his coat, most commonly: Mucky Throat-Spore, The Purple Turd Sweats and Piping Hot Skin Crunch \u2013 illnesses not seen since the French Revolution. The newest and most deadly however, is the Deathly Death-Pox, which has a 200% death rate. Remarkably, Rathorse, despite being at least 15 hands high, can fit through a gap the size of a pea. But sadly his hoofs are too small to bear his weight, so he can never utilize this skill. As a result of his immobility though, he can successfully coax 100% of his non-sentient daily diet directly into his mouth, earning him the ironic nickname, The Cheese Whisperer.")
<\/a>![MeerphinPungent like hot rubber and slick like a pirate\u2019s self-belief, Meerphin is a blonde, corn-fed powerhouse. Inside every Meerphin is a slim Meerphin waiting to get out. But this is not a metaphor\u2026 If Meerphin\u2019s young are threatened, he will burst his evil twin forth from his blowhole in a soft protective sack. This aggressive counterpart is necessary for protection against predators, as Meerphins are genetically programmed to be nothing other than intensely understanding, and often let being eaten alive slide. Some Meerphins attempt to forage for a bad mood, but rarely are they successful. While Dolphins don\u2019t have gills Meerphins do, and they are used solely for barking. Mark Meerphin as urgent in your calendars.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/bd6681695daeafdc289b2c573720d3f5\/tumblr_n4pr1lPsK61txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "MeerphinPungent like hot rubber and slick like a pirate\u2019s self-belief, Meerphin is a blonde, corn-fed powerhouse. Inside every Meerphin is a slim Meerphin waiting to get out. But this is not a metaphor\u2026 If Meerphin\u2019s young are threatened, he will burst his evil twin forth from his blowhole in a soft protective sack. This aggressive counterpart is necessary for protection against predators, as Meerphins are genetically programmed to be nothing other than intensely understanding, and often let being eaten alive slide. Some Meerphins attempt to forage for a bad mood, but rarely are they successful. While Dolphins don\u2019t have gills Meerphins do, and they are used solely for barking. Mark Meerphin as urgent in your calendars.")
<\/a>![NeanderdragonfishAll the subtle nuance of a Dragonfish\u2019s mind coupled with the striking forethought of Neanderthal man makes Neanderdragonfish a deep-sea, land based genius. Neanderdragonfish can throw his mouth distances of up to 300 metres and thus often finds himself eating things he has not yet seen. Instead of fire, he breathes sea-water so laden in salt it kills, disinfects and preserves both enemies and potential mates immediately. When Neanderdragonfish is close to death, he inhales himself into his own stomach where he then self-gestates, and is instantly reborn. Neanderdragonfish\u2019s skin is soft, like a boiled egg, and his wings are made of truth.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/fd619eaf55ce2ca672bbe87bcee744a2\/tumblr_n4eai5x1861txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "NeanderdragonfishAll the subtle nuance of a Dragonfish\u2019s mind coupled with the striking forethought of Neanderthal man makes Neanderdragonfish a deep-sea, land based genius. Neanderdragonfish can throw his mouth distances of up to 300 metres and thus often finds himself eating things he has not yet seen. Instead of fire, he breathes sea-water so laden in salt it kills, disinfects and preserves both enemies and potential mates immediately. When Neanderdragonfish is close to death, he inhales himself into his own stomach where he then self-gestates, and is instantly reborn. Neanderdragonfish\u2019s skin is soft, like a boiled egg, and his wings are made of truth.")
<\/a>![GironkeyThe Gironky is of upper class stock. When he\u2019s not driving his expensively adapted E Type Jaguar to take part in the Oxford & Cambridge Boat Race (which he\u2019s petitioning to happen tri-daily), he\u2019s giving his opinions on vintage wine for Slosh TV, and sucking oak leaves. His turds are shaped like success stories and in his spare time he enjoys braying along to Bach, and the soft heartbeats of local wildebeest. The Gironkey is entirely reversible, and once a year he will completely invert himself to stay fresh.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/e7c38e7791513ee518206475dfb96814\/tumblr_n41pafV1uJ1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "GironkeyThe Gironky is of upper class stock. When he\u2019s not driving his expensively adapted E Type Jaguar to take part in the Oxford & Cambridge Boat Race (which he\u2019s petitioning to happen tri-daily), he\u2019s giving his opinions on vintage wine for Slosh TV, and sucking oak leaves. His turds are shaped like success stories and in his spare time he enjoys braying along to Bach, and the soft heartbeats of local wildebeest. The Gironkey is entirely reversible, and once a year he will completely invert himself to stay fresh.")
<\/a>![CatertoucanThe life and soul of the party, the Catertoucan is the master of narcissism and self-promotion, despite being completely silent. Instead he communicates via his consistently condescending aura. Look out for his \u2018make-up free, just run 10 miles whilst just having woken up and also got out of the bath\u2019 glamorous selfie. His heart is shaped like a backwards duck and his favourite things are attention and more of it. A ruthless Instagrammer, a few close friends have actually died from over exposure to his face. Don\u2019t ask \u2018have I seen you before?\u2019 and never mention his height. Sap is his crack.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/2ac5d05f64c6a89e5c5ba54a27ea5dc1\/tumblr_n41o1z1ap51txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "CatertoucanThe life and soul of the party, the Catertoucan is the master of narcissism and self-promotion, despite being completely silent. Instead he communicates via his consistently condescending aura. Look out for his \u2018make-up free, just run 10 miles whilst just having woken up and also got out of the bath\u2019 glamorous selfie. His heart is shaped like a backwards duck and his favourite things are attention and more of it. A ruthless Instagrammer, a few close friends have actually died from over exposure to his face. Don\u2019t ask \u2018have I seen you before?\u2019 and never mention his height. Sap is his crack.")
<\/a>![CambuttA rare mix of brutish camel and delicate butterfly, the Cambutt is superior yet loving. When it\u2019s time to mate, Cambutt lays her eggs in her own subconscious, before using her tongue-tennae to sense the composition and density of her own unborn children. Any that don\u2019t make the grade are swiftly ejected via her humps. Cambutt communicates by reflecting other people\u2019s personalities right back at them via her glossy wings, which is why so many people see a Cambutt as a kindred spirit. In reality they\u2019re simply getting on like a house on fire with themselves, and when Cambutt goes, they are left both blind and alone.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/dc7484c3bb7e01c87edf29c13422f6ca\/tumblr_n3pvr5Jsf21txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "CambuttA rare mix of brutish camel and delicate butterfly, the Cambutt is superior yet loving. When it\u2019s time to mate, Cambutt lays her eggs in her own subconscious, before using her tongue-tennae to sense the composition and density of her own unborn children. Any that don\u2019t make the grade are swiftly ejected via her humps. Cambutt communicates by reflecting other people\u2019s personalities right back at them via her glossy wings, which is why so many people see a Cambutt as a kindred spirit. In reality they\u2019re simply getting on like a house on fire with themselves, and when Cambutt goes, they are left both blind and alone.")
<\/a>![OctoslothOctosloth just wants to be your friend. He will try precisely eight times before instantly falling into a 12-week coma. On waking he may dream you are already friends and call you persistently from his mobile bamboo chat-stick. He is alerted to calls via his \u2018ring-ring\u2019 bird, Peter, who pecks his cheek every time someone gets in contact. Peter also acts as Octosloth\u2019s confidante, personal shopper and antiques dealer, as it\u2019s widely known Octosloth\u2019s have a thing for 15th Century hope chests and mahogany sideboards. Octosloth\u2019s smell JUST LIKE Sundays.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/10be64db4d30942e8a4d866f4d855170\/tumblr_n3pvpz3RgS1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "OctoslothOctosloth just wants to be your friend. He will try precisely eight times before instantly falling into a 12-week coma. On waking he may dream you are already friends and call you persistently from his mobile bamboo chat-stick. He is alerted to calls via his \u2018ring-ring\u2019 bird, Peter, who pecks his cheek every time someone gets in contact. Peter also acts as Octosloth\u2019s confidante, personal shopper and antiques dealer, as it\u2019s widely known Octosloth\u2019s have a thing for 15th Century hope chests and mahogany sideboards. Octosloth\u2019s smell JUST LIKE Sundays.")
<\/a>![CrocopigCrocopig is Halloween\u2019s favourite son. A shock herbivore and fervent fan of beetroot, ketchup and red colour swatches, it\u2019s oft thought the Crocopig is more deadly than he actually is. This is why so many of his contemporaries have been poached to make wetsuits for the wealthy. His skin, which resembles an angry lychee, is unfortunately perfect for this. Misunderstood, the Crocopig is a known fan of lyrical, classical music and contemporary and Baroque era opera. He glows in the dark, but only between the hours of noon and February. Crocopig remains a silent partner for six out of ten railway related publishing empires and passively enjoys early 90s rave culture.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/69245add34cbbc3cda4a1b90e64ab59e\/tumblr_n3pvog67st1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "CrocopigCrocopig is Halloween\u2019s favourite son. A shock herbivore and fervent fan of beetroot, ketchup and red colour swatches, it\u2019s oft thought the Crocopig is more deadly than he actually is. This is why so many of his contemporaries have been poached to make wetsuits for the wealthy. His skin, which resembles an angry lychee, is unfortunately perfect for this. Misunderstood, the Crocopig is a known fan of lyrical, classical music and contemporary and Baroque era opera. He glows in the dark, but only between the hours of noon and February. Crocopig remains a silent partner for six out of ten railway related publishing empires and passively enjoys early 90s rave culture.")
<\/a>![PrandaThis beast lives at the bottom of the deepest lake in Russia and also has a modest holiday home in a submarine off the coast of your head. If you can get close enough and twist Pranda\u2019s snout anti-clockwise, you will open one of six vortexes into her bespoke liquid abyss. Pranda\u2019s eyes are larger in diameter than your average nightmare, and her soft jelly like skin can peel off and form a mate at the single blow of a butt fart, upon which she will crawl into the nearest fish, deposit her soul and combust. Just one cough will turn Pranda into six variations of the Christmas nativity.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/20203a656307032c2eaeb7219d6b135b\/tumblr_n3pvmec8Aj1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "PrandaThis beast lives at the bottom of the deepest lake in Russia and also has a modest holiday home in a submarine off the coast of your head. If you can get close enough and twist Pranda\u2019s snout anti-clockwise, you will open one of six vortexes into her bespoke liquid abyss. Pranda\u2019s eyes are larger in diameter than your average nightmare, and her soft jelly like skin can peel off and form a mate at the single blow of a butt fart, upon which she will crawl into the nearest fish, deposit her soul and combust. Just one cough will turn Pranda into six variations of the Christmas nativity.")
<\/a>![BabadgerThe Babadger\u2019s bright bottom attracts carnivals. He has accidentally lead floats from Rio to Notting Hill. He regularly farts complex bass lines. His unique blue and red face paint means he can hide from almost anyone, as long as they\u2019re a rainbow. Every Friday Babadger deposits his nightmares in a tart, which he then serves to the seven seas. The Babadger\u2019s diet is a rich mix of foliage, eggs and forgotten to-do lists.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/e868127a09a8ded0478700c02b749160\/tumblr_n3pvksPNOw1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "BabadgerThe Babadger\u2019s bright bottom attracts carnivals. He has accidentally lead floats from Rio to Notting Hill. He regularly farts complex bass lines. His unique blue and red face paint means he can hide from almost anyone, as long as they\u2019re a rainbow. Every Friday Babadger deposits his nightmares in a tart, which he then serves to the seven seas. The Babadger\u2019s diet is a rich mix of foliage, eggs and forgotten to-do lists.")
<\/a>![Praying PigletThe Praying Piglet is powered by parochial people\u2019s thought gas. Generally evil, on the third Wednesday of end of every month, Praying Piglet has a complete personality change and helps older Praying Piglet\u2019s across busy mud splats. Praying Piglet\u2019s life expectancy is low however, as this one good deed often leads to his death as he is fiercely allergic to kind gestures and thoughtful actions. Praying Piglet\u2019s diet consists of his own siblings. Once these are gone, he may begin consuming himself. His only known predators are reflective thoughts.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/e20bbf83316a1208ee0012d1eb90515a\/tumblr_n3o5vfhqfR1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "Praying PigletThe Praying Piglet is powered by parochial people\u2019s thought gas. Generally evil, on the third Wednesday of end of every month, Praying Piglet has a complete personality change and helps older Praying Piglet\u2019s across busy mud splats. Praying Piglet\u2019s life expectancy is low however, as this one good deed often leads to his death as he is fiercely allergic to kind gestures and thoughtful actions. Praying Piglet\u2019s diet consists of his own siblings. Once these are gone, he may begin consuming himself. His only known predators are reflective thoughts.")
<\/a>![HumanpotamusThe Humanpotamus\u2019 main dietary requirement is Being Right About Stuff. In order to stay alive in the mud flats of suburbia, Humanpotamus must be right at least five times a day, and consume at least one furniture store sale, or he will slowly start to dissolve from the head inwards. A veritable master at love, Humanpotamus dates at least 10 other \u2018potamus\u2019 at once, and only when he\u2019s found his six true loves, will politely tell the remaining four it\u2019s not working out. He filters high quality spring water from his duo-snout, and finds weight management of his lower body difficult.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/62cca848f9df2d1d58fb37deeaf20048\/tumblr_n3o437VceD1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "HumanpotamusThe Humanpotamus\u2019 main dietary requirement is Being Right About Stuff. In order to stay alive in the mud flats of suburbia, Humanpotamus must be right at least five times a day, and consume at least one furniture store sale, or he will slowly start to dissolve from the head inwards. A veritable master at love, Humanpotamus dates at least 10 other \u2018potamus\u2019 at once, and only when he\u2019s found his six true loves, will politely tell the remaining four it\u2019s not working out. He filters high quality spring water from his duo-snout, and finds weight management of his lower body difficult.")
<\/a>![SneagleWith a ground speed of 400 mph, The Sneagle is scientifically faster than lightening and cars. With two defunct, yet invincible eyes (the rest of a Sneagle is mortal), she uses her extra sensory perceptive shell to navigate, alongside her invisible chest hair. All Sneagle\u2019s have now been twinned with an appropriate airline, and many can be found in the departure lounges of airports snacking on confiscated hand luggage items and hopelessly lost holidaymakers. Like a regular snail, Sneagle\u2019s home is on her back, but unlike a regular snail, the inside is filled with the bones of humans. Most Sneagle\u2019s are deadly. And the one\u2019s that aren\u2019t, are just late.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/62ecfa2bf880dade5499ccd4d9dde913\/tumblr_n3nygb8La11txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "SneagleWith a ground speed of 400 mph, The Sneagle is scientifically faster than lightening and cars. With two defunct, yet invincible eyes (the rest of a Sneagle is mortal), she uses her extra sensory perceptive shell to navigate, alongside her invisible chest hair. All Sneagle\u2019s have now been twinned with an appropriate airline, and many can be found in the departure lounges of airports snacking on confiscated hand luggage items and hopelessly lost holidaymakers. Like a regular snail, Sneagle\u2019s home is on her back, but unlike a regular snail, the inside is filled with the bones of humans. Most Sneagle\u2019s are deadly. And the one\u2019s that aren\u2019t, are just late.")
<\/a>![Otterpug at BreakfastFor legal and religious reasons, Otterpug\u2019s can only be pictured At Breakfast. A fast learner, Otterpug\u2019s linguistic fluency in countless tongues (including your mother\u2019s, a sandwiche\u2019s and your actual talking meat slice) is almost as impressive as his silky coat. This makes Otterpug ideal for international liaison and many Otterpug\u2019s take jobs as ranking diplomats, foreign correspondents and international aid and development managers. An Otterpug\u2019s turds are literary masterpieces and often get published the second they pop from the bum. Bad tomes are instantly sucked back in for a re-edit. There is an 0.02% chance that Otterpug is your brother. Dark forces are not at work.](\"https:\/\/64.media.tumblr.com\/44ce44e1498d0372475df8d1d35e4c15\/tumblr_n3nxayrVqV1txillvo1_1280.jpg\" "Otterpug at BreakfastFor legal and religious reasons, Otterpug\u2019s can only be pictured At Breakfast. A fast learner, Otterpug\u2019s linguistic fluency in countless tongues (including your mother\u2019s, a sandwiche\u2019s and your actual talking meat slice) is almost as impressive as his silky coat. This makes Otterpug ideal for international liaison and many Otterpug\u2019s take jobs as ranking diplomats, foreign correspondents and international aid and development managers. An Otterpug\u2019s turds are literary masterpieces and often get published the second they pop from the bum. Bad tomes are instantly sucked back in for a re-edit. There is an 0.02% chance that Otterpug is your brother. Dark forces are not at work.")
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